Rap Session on... self-esteem, self-love

4/25/2015

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Gautama Buddha

This is probably one of my favorite quotes. In my work, as well as in other areas of my life, I’ve seen far too many miserable people, putting themselves last, which is often a result of low self-esteem.   Mistakenly there are individuals who believe that always putting others first is a good thing. After all, putting yourself first means that you’re conceited, self-centered, and ego driven, right? Wrong. Putting yourself last will only make you a martyr. And martyrs end up feeling used, filled with bitterness and resentment.

Low self-esteem is a sign that you don't love or care for yourself enough.

It’s like the seatbelt analogy…
When you take a plane trip, the flight attendant tells passengers that in case of emergency to put on their oxygen mask first, before helping their children, or others dependent on them.   If you think about it a moment, this strategy makes sense. If someone needs oxygen, can’t put their mask on, and you can’t breathe and they’re depending on you, it won’t take long before you’re both in deep trouble.

Please don’t misunderstand. There are times when you cannot put yourself first—when it’s necessary to make a sacrifice of some sort for someone else as an act of caring. In fact, it takes immense insight to realize when helping another is essential and being able to differentiate when help could be harmful.   But if you are worn out, tired from helping others who have the ability to help themselves, you have to stop and ask yourself ‘why am I doing this?'

Remember --you deserve your love and affection...

13 Comments

Janiera

4/26/2015 02:03:33 am

This message is so important because people often take care of other people before themselves, especially mothers. I think high self-esteem is never a bad thing as long as you aren't using it to drag down others. In fact, people with higher self-esteem can take care of other people better as well.

Tanya

4/26/2015 02:05:26 am

High self-esteem is so important to living a better life. There is nothing wrong with people thinking highly of themselves. It's natural I think for women to want to help others before themselves, but it can get dangerous emotionally.

Melanie Sewell

5/2/2015 07:49:28 pm

Thanks for this lovely post: certainely a reminder needed for people like me ;-) I always find so difficult to set boundaries between me and my friends and I always end up being the one carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Since I was young I always remember being an attractor for people with issues I am not sure why!! The problem is my high level of empathy I think: when a friend is in trouble I can't help but to feel their pain and I tend to put them first and forget about my own needs, sometimes getting behind with work and feeling resentful afterwards. :(

Hilary Thompson

5/5/2015 01:39:23 am

Excellent post and I agree wholeheartedly. It's not easy to learn to say NO, but somehow it's vital to consider our own needs first if we want to build sustainable and fruitful relationships, both in the family and at work, instead of just a growing list of people depending on us! I spent the last 15 years in various supporting roles at different mental institutes and found terribly draining as I wasn't able to detach from the patients' problems. The situation became unbearable when we had a suicide and I realised I was not strong enough to continue with that type of work. I had to look inside myself and find my real vocation. I realised that my low self-esteem was actually the main problem and until I didn't fix that I would incurr in the same problem and draining jobs. Until you don't love yourself enough to make the shift, life will constantly re-propose the same patterns. I am now a succesful entrepreneur and re-invent a carreer based on the skills I acquired and the new strenght of finding what I really wanted in life....and I also learned to say NO when the situaltion requires!

Danielle Moore

5/6/2015 06:33:21 pm

Easier said than done I would say...how do we stop people from demanding our time and attention? As a mother of 4 kids I had to put their needs first and forget about my own carreer and life aspirations. In other words, the kids became my life for a good twenty-five years. Now that they're living the nest I find myself in a total confusion...I feel almost empty. How do you re-invent a life a 52? I need some direction, something to inspire me, I don't even know who I am without my kids :-(

Marian

5/10/2015 05:56:11 am

So many parents experience this same thing… it’s hard when your child grows up into a full fledged adult and leaves the nest… it is also a proof that you’ve done a good job—launched a self-sufficient adult into the world. So congratulations and Happy Mothers Day! And what an exciting time this is for you! You get the freedom to reinvent yourself all over again! Who were you before you were a mother? What were your interests? Perhaps you’d like to renew old talents or develop new ones… scroll down to the Talents blog for ideas…

lyn

5/20/2015 04:28:27 pm

Danielle- you are undoubtedly the same person you were before except stronger and smarter for having raised children strong enough and confident enough to go out into the world.....I knew exactly who and what I was am and will continue to be without my kids at home..ME.! I cook- and invite friends come over-to eat drink.. laugh talk..I do coffee mornings at friends houses...I DO lunch..And I am working on my list which is.to visit all 50 states and US possessions...then all the continent's...I have plans..big plans..Make a list of "what you would have done if"...and start checkin' them off......but if that empty nest is REALLY bothering you....I have one here that just won't leave.....I can send her your way if you'd like......please?

Lucy

5/10/2015 02:31:04 am

Before being a mother I spent a lot of time trying to find myself, to define my role in life. After having my beautiful and artist daughter, I feel my life is more complete, adventurous, challenging, and full of daily surprises. I miss the freedom of going anywhere, anytime, but I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything. Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful women in the world. You define you, not anyone or anything; it is only what you allow to define and shape you that does...

5/20/2015 04:42:16 pm

http://youtu.be/Fd9rrkdUyVo

Lyn

5/20/2015 05:03:11 pm

So Sorry forgot to add a comment.... I tried to embed this but apparently you have to have administrative privileges or whatever its called. This song has a lovely sentiment that fits right into this blog. The song is "Meant to Be" by Ruben Studdard....I also love the video... all photos but of real people not just "models". It looks like someones family and friends.... but really think about the words. Ruben won the 3rd or 4th session of American Idol. Did some albums then went in to spiritual/religious music. I believe he goes between the two. These lyrics immediately made me think of this blog... enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fd9rrkdUyVo

Amy Satori link

6/3/2015 05:27:12 am

I could not agree more! I know a guy who considers himself a "nice guy" who never gets the girl. After a long talk over dinner one night, it became very clear he was bending over backwards for everyone else, but not really connecting with anyone. It was almost like a distraction to actually push people away. Here... let me do, do, do for you so I never really have to get to know or care about you. If we truly take care of ourselves, we stop running and truly stand in our integrity ready to give to others and connect in an authentic way.

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Rap Session on... self-esteem, self-love

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